Co·in·ci·dence -I think not but you be the judge~

"It appears God has opened
a door or at the very least-unlocked it." 

This from my wise and beautiful daughter "M".   

It was only a day or so ago that I complained 

of my circumstance to my bestie in NM. 

Her advice, "Why not do something different?" 

She went on to say, "yes, you must make your 

appointment, but that is several weeks away, 

why not go visit your sister and friend in Oregon in the meantime?" 

"Who say's you have to just sit 

there awaiting this appointment!?!"

It's true, I long to begin my journey. 

I have been terribly discouraged by the delays 

that have caused me to put my plans of moving to 

Portland, OR on hold. Now here is my BFF 

telling me to consider there might be 

another answer-Despite having NO evidence 

to support this statement-her words did cause 

me to consider the possibility.

I surrender and confess to God that I am 

out of answers. "God if there is a way, 

another route- please Lord show it to me." 

A tiny prayer I offer to God. 

Just the slightest request for insight.

The following day I am resolved to riding 

out the discomfort of just sitting here, 

a seemingly fruitless labor to be endured 

for the next 6+ weeks. 

For unrelated reasons I telephone my mother 

who I've not spoken to since last Mother's Day

when she confirmed to me that my father 

is not my true biological father. 

To make matters worse, she can't even 

remember his name. 

She's happy to hear from me.

I am surprised at the absence of resentment; 

usually quite prevalent if not palpable. 

In fact I dare say I enjoyed our conversation 

with out even trying.  

Thank you Lord, this is nothing short of a 

miracle to anyone knowing my history 

with my mother~

We talked for about 15 minutes and in that 

short time I learn she will be traveling 

to Oregon to assist my brother and his 

family back to AZ. "Hmmm, can I hitch a ride?" 

The words came out of my mouth before I've 

had a chance to even think it through. 

A resounding "yes" is her immediate reply. 

I begin to back out realizing that the 

2 days in the "xtra cab" seat behind the 

passenger seat of her little flatbed truck 

with a chihuahua, could very well be my undoing. 

I quickly negotiate and secure a spot for a large 

box of my belongings in the bed of her truck. 

She can and will deliver these items for me. 

She will stop by to pick them up on

her way out in a couple weeks!

Later that day I am multi-texting and talking 

w/a number of my closest advisors via blackberry. 

This counsel of many comes from my 2 sisters, 

my daughter M,  as well as my girlfriend's C and S. 

The conversations lead to such an exciting revelation!

In short... You asked for it- you got it! 

Statements like "Hello, if that's not God, 

I don't know what is!" and "you better not be 

teasing me" were coming at me faster than I 

could facilitate. 

Suddenly everything had become so clear.

Yes! Yes, you are allowed to go and live, 

experience and enjoy life NOW! 

Let tomorrow take care of itself, 

today is all you have right now- in this moment. 

Make your desires known to God- 

He is faithful. He will answer. 

He desires every good thing for you- 

most of all; that you know Him.

Alive and active He will be on your behalf 

in as much as you allow.

Nothing is set in stone, but He has shed 

a light unto my path and a lamp unto my feet.

Just enough room for me to step out in faith- 

the kind that in me... grows deeper still. 

Until next time peeps- continue to grow.

xoxo

L~

When to stop worrying?

Leece was at the ER this weekend.
A lot of pain. Diagnosis-Dermoid Cyst- location- Ovary

WTF!? Why does my little girl seem to have all the
weird medical complications? I realize she will be
24 this fall, but she will never stop being my little girl.

: (  I mean as if she hasn't had enough surgery on
the abdomen. Not to mention the variety of other
"medical conditions" she grapples with
on the daily.

 

This from Web MD

http://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/sdermoid-cyst

Dermoid Cyst

A dermoid cyst is a saclike growth that is present at birth. It contains structures such as hair, fluid, teeth, or skin glands that can be found on or in the skin.
Dermoid cysts grow slowly and are not tender unless ruptured. They usually occur on the face, inside the skull, on the lower back, and in the ovaries.  Removal  dermoid cysts require special techniques and training. 

• Ovarian dermoid cysts: These growths can develop in a woman during her reproductive years. They can cause torsion, infection, rupture, and cancer. These dermoid cysts can be removed with either conventional surgery or laparoscopy (surgery that uses small incisions and specially designed instruments to enter the abdomen or pelvis).

Dermoid Cyst Causes

Dermoid cysts are caused when skin and skin structures become trapped during fetal development. Their cell walls are nearly identical to those of the outer skin and may contain multiple skin structures such as hair follicles, sweat glands, and sometimes hair, teeth, or nerves.

Yeah, nothing of the above relieves the worry to be sure.
But it must be overcome. Worry is the absence of faith,
that is not acceptable. Lest my fears be manifest through
worry- I will pray.

God grant me the serenity to accept
the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
In Christ name I pray.
Amen~

 

 

 

e·piph·a·ny- upon coming to a fork in the road; pause to consider prongs 3 & 4

I complained today of things not adding up.
Not how I would like them to anyway. 
A summation of the back story is impossible, 
so suffice it to say I am approaching what I 
believe to be the proverbial fork in the road. 
But, this 'fork' there is no "better choice", 
only 2 glaring horrible choices are perceived. 

A friend points out I am trying to be content 
with the lesser of two evils, which is impossible,
and therefore there must be at least 1 positive.

If the law of opposites is in gear then naturally 
there should be 2 positives.
Before I know it-my epiphany; 
A fork has 4 prongs if I have 2 negatives 
there must be 2 positives I have not yet uncovered. 
Just acknowledging the possibility creates opportunity.
What do ya know...... there are more than two.*smile*

xoxo

L~

It's all a lie...

It's Always A Lie
Current mood: cold
Category: Life

How did She become the woman you see?

Are you aware that it's really not she?

Jaded and hidden with great effort on her part.

Lest anyone judge the truth of this heart.

As much as She longs to be known

Her truest heart you'll never behold.

You won't even try to know, this truth within

Caring in earnest has grown quite old.

This is an irony double-fold

The real girl, painfully hides

All the while you think she confides

In you? She doesn't. In deceit she abides.

Somewhere, perhaps in a misguided youth gone by

Out of necessity she learned to lie.

It's all so blurry, even she doesn't know,

Where the truth stopped being, and the lie began.

The anguish torments her, from truth she quickly ran.

Her withdrawal causes her great pain and despair

But what are her options, in a world without care?

Was it abuse or neglect that caused her flight?

Is it injustice that jolts her from sleep at night?

This battle within, too tired to fight~

She'll continue on with a deceptive smile

Her heart is protected, at least for awhile.

But its not.... It's only a lie we readily believe

More for you, not so for she.

Current mood: awake
Category: Life

Born into this place, innocent and pure,

full of sin we are told this is for sure.

Predestined? Free will? How can that be?

A contradiction of terms ... a mystery.

But on this day she asked no questions,

Not one word could her tiny mouth speak.

Deep in the eyes that could not yet see,

One request... she said, Love Me.

It's simple and honest and created for her... this was her destiny

who could deny such an innocent plea?

Tossed into this place, into this condition

deprivation run a muck no one asked her permission.

Innocence taken before the age of seven

knowledge and truth- only the good ones go to heaven.

No 'free will'....only 'predestination'.

Holding out in quiet desperation, is it possible, could it be

one quiet question....She said..... Will you Love Me?

Who exercised this free will?

Who chose to compromise her still?

They without faces in a place with no name

Decided her fate 'predestined' for pain.

On she continues blind and unknowing... tomorrow

reflected in dark broken glasses.

her vision more tainted as each day passes

tear stained memories brought on by the masses.

Neglected, ignored, abused and broken

this is not what she would have chosen.

In rage, in fear and in doubt, who decided this plight for me

this was not my choice, Free will indeed!

I've only ever wanted one thing can you not see........

With every fiber in her being and at the top of her lungs she screamed....

Love Me!